


Reflections of The Past

by strawberiboy



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Exile Arc on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Post-TommyInnit's Exile (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberiboy/pseuds/strawberiboy
Summary: And how fucked was that?That this whole time he'd regarded himself as anything other than a kid?OR: After exile, Tommy reflects on his past and makes some realizations.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Kudos: 30





	Reflections of The Past

A sigh filled the small undergound room as Tommy looked into the golden hand mirror. He'd grown used to the boy staring back at him. Instead of the vibrant blue his eyes used to hold, they now had the color of a stormy sea. Instead of the childish smirk his lips usually had, his lips were turned in a frown. Instead of hands, ready to fight gods, his hands shook at the mere mention of holes in the ground. 

Instead of Wilbur's right hand man, or a soldier, or a hero, he saw a kid. And how fucked was that? That this whole time he'd regarded himself as anything other than a kid? That he'd been told over and over that he was just a child, while still being held to the expectations of an adult? 

He hates Dream for the kid he is now, a broken anxious shell of the boy he once was. Tommy hates him for all the shit he put him through. For being cruel and sharing tender moments with him seconds later. For convincing him he cared. For convincing him no one else did. 

He hates Dream for pushing him to the point of standing over lava pits wondering if jumping would be better than the life he was living. He hates him for taking everything from him and still being able to convince him that they're friends. He hates him for making him feel so fucking alone. 

He hates that it takes almost _killing himself_ for him to realize how fucked it all was. 

He remembers standing on that tower convinced that jumping was a better idea than staying in exile a day longer. He remembers the wind in his overgrown hair and instead of feeling like he was flying, wondering if that was how it felt to be falling. 

He remembers _still_ thinking Dream was his friend even as he stood at the top of his makeshift tower, about to take his last canon life. He remembers pulling out his compass, thinking about his old friends and old life. He remembers realizing that the God was never his friend. He just there to watch him, to have control over him. He remembers realizing that he's the only person Dreams afraid of. 

He remembers aiming for the water. 

As he thinks back on exile, he can't help but notice the parallels to pogtopia. He thinks back on the tense air, feeling like he was trying to step around broken glass and failing. 

He thinks back on how Wilbur would hurt him when he got too frustrated with him, and how the older of the two would apologize right after. He thinks back on how he would forgive him everytime. 

As Tommy looks at his new scars and thinks about the way the parallel his old ones, he realizes something. In Pogtopia and during exile, he had rationalized the abuse he was enduring. He had thought it was his fault. And maybe a small part of him still thinks it was. 

Maybe a small part of him still wants Wilbur to tell him  
he's proud of him, even if he has to walk on eggshells around him to get the praise. Maybe a small part of him still wants to cry on Dream's shoulder and to get reassuring words, even if he knows its irrational. 

That small part of him is quelled by the thought that he was just a _child_ being manipulated and abused. He thinks about how much younger he was in Pogtopia and he imagines younger Tommy going through what he's been through and he feels sick to his stomach. He was a fucking child. And hell, he still is! 

God it was all so fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> yooooooo its 4 am but brain said: its angst time babeyyyy so here i am! also i miss post-exile fics. they're getting scarcer and scarcer as the days go by. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!! leave a comment if you wanna :D


End file.
